Trying to bond with my cat more?

Cats are fickle, that's why I like them. In my experience they like whoever's new or whoever has the food. It also helps if you have had them since they were very young as they come to rely on you. But there is no way you can train them to know they're "your cat" like you can train a dog by acting like the pack leader. If you act like you need them more than they need you, chances are they will be less inclined to treat you as anything other than the help, so don't coddle her. And remember, female cats are usually more independent than males, which is why they can seem aloof.